Well this post is a long time coming. And hard to write. Hard to find the right words, even for this wordy girl. Jezebels are tough but giants are scary. And New Jerusalem is our hope for tomorrow.
When I started the Jezebel diaries, it was to share my own faith and some of the experiences that formed my faith. Nobody’s perfect. Some of us way less so than others. I hope to take some of the shame and guilt so many Christians live in and maybe shed some light there. Some super simple “we’re all damaged, we’re all just trying to live a better life” Jezebel light. And it seems to be the right thing to share because you’re responding, wanting more. So I’m guessing I’m not the only slightly cracked Christian out there. That’s nice. Thank you for sharing some of yourself with me. That’s big. I get you. I really do.
Sooo.. giants. Giants are real. If you don’t have any or have never faced one, I have to ask, how did you manage? Because my life is littered with them. Giants I’ve beaten. Giants that have beaten me. Giants I’ve given to God then taken back. Situations so big, so scary, so overwhelming, so painful that I couldn’t even begin to handle alone. Situations I’m facing even right now as I write. Giants.
I’ve wondered so many times about the young shepherd David, facing the giant Goliath. We know the story. David was a young Israelite shepherd before he was king. Goliath was the champion of the Philistine army, physically superior in every way. When the Israelites were facing the Philistines in the Valley of Elah, twice a day for 40 days, Goliath tells King Saul to send out his strongest fighter for hand to hand combat. But Saul is afraid. David, however, is not. David takes his staff, his sling, 5 smooth stones and his faith. David takes his God.
Watching as a spectator, on one side we see an enormous Philistine, backed by his enormous army. On the other side is David, a young shepherd boy. The Bible tells us that Goliath was some 9 ft and however many inches tall. After you get past 9 ft, does 9’1” or 9’4” really make that much difference? It’s not like David could see the top of his head or his helmet before he killed him, anyway. Goliath was all decked out in his heaviest armor, strongest shield, biggest sword, sharpest knives and a helmet that probably added several more inches to his already formidable height. And there’s David, in his wool cap, his shepherd’s cloak, his staff, his sling, his stones.. and his God.
Picture yourself watching this. Who would you put your money on? Common sense would tell us that the bigger guy with the bigger weapon wins. And He actually does. Because even though Goliath was physically superior to David, as were his weapons, he wasn’t superior in any way, to God. God used a shepherd boy and a rock to give Israel victory over the Philistines. Goliath had physical size, strength, skill, weapons, and an army. David had his faith and his God. The Bible tells us that “David hit Goliath in the forehead with a stone and killed him”. It also goes on to tell us that David took Goliath’s own sword and .. he relieved Goliath of his head. He sent the head to Jerusalem and kept the sword and armor in his tent. Christianity.. and I’ve said this before.. it’s not for sissies.
You know, life isn’t so different now, than in David’s time. The details have changed. Progress found us. Technology rules. Influencers influence. But God is still God. Satan is still Satan. Love is still love. Hate is still hate. Giants are still real. And Jezebels still believe with an all consuming faith. Only the arena is different.
When I’m facing a giant in my life, I face that giant on my knees. It wasn’t always so, but by God, it is now. There was a time when I would meet anger with way worse anger; hate with way hotter hate. I don’t do that anymore. I still can. It’s always there. Faulty humanness that wants to take over at any given time, instead of letting God fight my battles. For some strange reason, Jezebels tend to do things the hard way. I’m not sure why, but it seems to be true, for me at least. Maybe it’s the best way for me to learn. Maybe I’m just hard headed. That’s a definite possibility. But I do learn, eventually. And like my sister Jezebels, I’m sure, once God teaches me a lesson, I’m not likely to forget. This Jezebel learned long ago that there is only one God, one Jesus, one Holy Spirit and one chance at a heavenly life. One.
One chance at New Jerusalem. And oh! how I want that. It’s where my God is. It’s my promise. It’s my birthright. It’s for believers. Studying my Bible, I find the more I know, the more I want to know. Sometimes, I admit, just the sheer enormity of it all will stop me. It’s so huge. And complicated. And I’m positive there’s math involved somewhere. I’m no scholar. I’m not a learned person. How can I understand books that have been studied by professors and scientists and theologians for years and they still don’t agree? Who am I?
This is where faith comes in. And faith does come in. It comes when you need it the most. It comes when you see no way out. It comes when you have nothing left. It comes when you’re alone and all you have are tears. It comes when you have hard questions. It comes when you have big doubts. It comes to the shepherd boy facing a Philistine. It comes to an every day woman in the middle of a war, who answers God’s call without question. It comes to a man who lost everything but his very life and still praised God. Faith comes when you still believe in the face of the overwhelming odds against you.
I guess, the answer to the “who am I” question is this: I’m a Jezebel… perfectly imperfect in every way. I am a believer … I believe in the one and only everliving God. I am a Christian… I follow Jesus Christ and will until He calls me home. I live my life on faith. I know no other way. Do I understand the entire Bible? Oh my gosh no. Do I believe Jesus is the only Son of the only God? Yes I Do. Everything else is details.
And let me just tell you this about us Jezebels: our faith in our God doesn’t waver. Ever. Even in the face of giants. We’ve been there. We’ve done that. We’ve seen the ups. We’ve lived the downs. We’ve navigated the in-betweens. We know what’s right, what’s wrong, what works and what doesn’t. And we know what’s real. Our God is real. And our life with Him is real. It lies in front of us in a place of such peace and beauty, our mind can’t conceive. There will be no more tears. All things will be made new. This is our New Jerusalem. This is the hope of the world. The hope of the Jezebel. The hope of this Jezebel.
Jezebel diaries *day 5* cliff notes: giants are just overgrown bullies. * the bigger they are, the bigger the ego. * david proves that faith is greater than fear. and also shepherds have great aim. * jezebels do things the hard way. ask us before you make a bad decision. we can help. * jesus matters. everything else is details. jezebels know this. * my home will be in the new jerusalem. won’t you be my neighbor? * jezebels are kind of like a backwards mary poppins: we’re perfectly imperfect in every way. *
Colorful Chaos 