“When the path before me is dark and dangerous, the best thing for me to do is to not watch where I’m going. What else is faith for?” Jezebel
Greetings sweet friends and neighbors, thank you once again for joining me here. Although these days, I’m not exactly sure where “here” is. I’m wandering. Wandering. Walking aimlessly without a clear plan. The state of not knowing where you’re headed. Being awake but with no concrete direction or reason to get there. Wandering. And oh geeeeeez how I hate that! God knooooooows how I hate that!! It’s my kryptonite. Give me a direction and I’ll meet you there if I have to crawl. But have me walk in the land of limbo and I’ll crumble every time. That’s why my last blog entry was so hard. Hard to start. Hard to write. Hard to even read now, because I feel like it misses the mark. Jezebels don’t do failure.
Everything has been so calm and quiet the last several months. It gave me some much needed time to begin to heal. Now, as life starts back up, it’s time to finally finish the old and begin anew. Just starting over nowadays, and at my age, should be scary..but it’s really not. After the last couple of years, there’s not much that scares me anymore. I’m turning 60 in a few days but I feel like a kid with a big bag of shiny new marbles. There are challenges and obstacles, possibilities and successes, and the learning of love lessons all coming my way. It almost feels like I’m being reborn. I have a hunch God’s even going to teach me to thrive in the city of uncertainty. He’s got His hand on my life and His plan is firmly in place. My job is to not mess things up. Jezebels like to help God along when we should just keep our hands off of His work.
I actually know what He’s up to. God is transparent if you pay attention. He’s not hiding anything. Want to know what’s about to happen? Ask Him. He’ll tell you. Just be ready for the answer. In this case, I don’t have to ask. I don’t know much but I know my God. I know He has only my best interests planned for my future. I may not enjoy the “learning to flourish when I don’t know the plan and He doesn’t want my help” thing. That’s not fun. If it were anybody besides God, I’d say it’s rude to refuse the occasional well meaning assistance, however unneeded it might be. But my God doesn’t want or need my input. What He wants is for me to trust Him when I’m wandering. He wants me to trust Him when I’m in limbo. He wants me to trust Him with my kryptonite. Sometimes this Jezebel wishes He’d ask for something easier .. like solving The Riemann Hypothesis.
But .. apparently this is His plan, so here I am .. 60 and starting over. I’m too old to begin a new career, too set in my ways to fit in the new society we’re building & too tired to take up cardio. I don’t give God much to work with, do I? But if anybody can take my train wreck of a life and use it to help make somebody else’s life better, it’s my God. And I’m totally in for that. If me wandering for a while will take me where He wants me to be, just give me a sec to put on my traveling shoes. My sense of direction is right up there with my math skills, so I could end up anywhere. I still get turned around in Blanchard. Good thing this Jezebel doesn’t need a compass when Jesus takes the wheel.
Jezebel diaries * day 7 * cliff notes: I’m not exactly sure where here is, but that’s where I am & it’s OK with me * I’m completely positive that I have no idea where I’m going, but I know I’m not lost * Jezebels don’t do failure but we do faith in a big way * I’m not sure if it’s adorable or if it’s God’s sense of humor that His directionally challenged Jezebel is wandering * if our lives should pass on my journey, I’ll share my pretty new marbles with you * I was seriously kidding about wishing God would ask me to solve the Riemann Hypothesis. We all know this *
Colorful Chaos 