Yes. That’s what He said. I’m slackin’. And of course, He’s right. He’s Jesus. Hi guys. I’ve missed you. I know it’s been a while since I’ve written.
Since I’m not having to function in crisis mode or in panic mode anymore, everything is beautifully normal. I’m still remodeling, so most of my life and all of my favorite memories are in storage. But now my days are a mixture of quiet calm sprinkled with nana time, sweet giggles and lots and lots of paint.
I was listening to my favorite evangelist yesterday.. a message that I’ve listened to dozens of times. But yesterday it hit differently. And it didn’t feel good. Jesus was telling me loud and clear that I’m slackin’. Ouch. I wish I could say I’m past the character defects that are familiar and so easy to fall into. I wish I could say I don’t have to identify and then repent for taking my faith for granted. Or for minimizing the great things God does for me, even when I ignore Him. When did I stop appreciating His precious daily gifts? When did I begin expecting and stop thanking?
When life was chaotic and unsure, I was chaotic and unsure. And scared. So I stayed in a constant state of prayer. And my words flowed. God spoke. I heard Him. And I wrote. I wanted so much to share the amazing things He was doing for me. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends that I seemed to be on some “answer to prayer list” and it was awesome!
Then one by one, problems found solutions. Crisis mode turned into “oh wow! I made that work!”. And then wouldn’t you know.. somewhere along the line, I decided God takes too long, I can handle this better by myself. Kind of a “thanks for getting me started Lord. I can tell by the amount of time this is taking, you must be overloaded. So we’re good and I’ve got this, ok?” Just like that.. I promptly took back the plan that God had been ever so carefully crafting for me.
When I left God out, immediately my words stopped. My song stopped. My sunshine stopped. My joy stopped. My motivation stopped. The opposite of walking with Jesus is to walk alone in hard, cold, darkness. The message I was listening to yesterday reminded me why my everything stopped. Even though I knew why.. Jesus whispered the truth that I needed to hear. James 1:17 tells us that every good and perfect gift comes from above. NOT of myself. Ever. My very best will always be a train wreck. But my hope is in Jesus. And in Him there is no shadow. In Him there is no uncertainty.
So.. with Jesus foremost in my mind and my paint brush firmly in hand, I am moving forward with my remodel. Once again, I feel the warmth of His arms around me. I hear the sweetness of His voice. I rest in the strength of His love. As Jesus restores the joy of my salvation, my words are flowing with His praises. I can’t wait to share them with you again.
**cliff notes from your slacker** Jesus will give you all the space you think you want * you don’t want it * when life is going great, it’s because I haven’t touched it * I really, really love the “answered prayers” list * Jesus adds to it every single day * when I find myself in the midst of winter, I just have to turn my face back to The Son * my past is a train wreck but now Jesus is my conductor * all math is the devil * so are puzzles * politics are life sucking * sometimes a smile and a hug can save a life * every good and perfect gift comes from God * you can be a million miles from home and you’re still as close as a prayer *
Colorful Chaos 