This isn’t my usual blog post. I try to use this site for good things and upbeat content. I don’t monetize my website or my Facebook because I’m not in this for the money. I’m not an influencer on any level. Some of my posts reach 1,000 or so views. See? Not an influencer.

But today I had a troll go to my page and then comment to try and use my Christianity against me. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Oh dear.. some poor, uneducated, backwards, illiterate, unAmerican, attention seeking little life sucking black hole thought she would pick on me. Someone doesn’t know me. Well, since I know it trolls my page, allow me to introduce myself. Because you may have me confused with some quiet, sniveling, coward who just CALLS herself “Christian” because it sounds better than ‘demon-walking-around-in-human-skin’. Yeah.. Kum-bah-yah and everyone believe whatever feels good and say what you want about God and there are no rules or laws .. that’s just not what I am.

What I AM is a born again Christian. What I AM is a sinner saved by God’s grace. What I AM is an ordinary Jesus loving American who’s had enough. I’ve had enough of people who try to virtue signal by telling me my Bible is wrong. I’ve had enough of people who have never actually studied God’s word but cherry pick a verse here and there like it’s their personal Bible buffet. I’ve had enough of the left pretending that Christianity is some outdated concept. I’ve had enough of nonChristians preaching at me when they have no idea who Jesus is.

There’s a reason I don’t try to grow my platform. I would get banned on a daily, if not hourly, basis. I don’t have the patience to deal with keyboard idiots. I would end up making Christians look bad. This is something I know about myself. I think it’s why I love Senator Ted Kennedy so much. He says he starts the day loving everyone with the love of Jesus. But by 10am he wants to slap someone. That’s my struggle. One of my gifts is the gift of gab. The gift of writing. I had a teacher tell me my work is “lyrical”. I love that. If I had to deal with the ugly and the ignorant all day, my mouth would take precedence over the will of Jesus. And I can’t be having that.

So, to the bored little troll who tried to insult me and Christians in general, STUDY your Bible. It’s all there. From obeying the law of the land to lack of order brings chaos to putting our own will before the gospel is sin. Mexico has borders. Russia has borders. Canada has borders. America has borders. HEAVEN HAS BORDERS. And no. You don’t just waltz up and cross over because the correct process is too long or too hard or too expensive or too annoying or too inconvenient. Your approval is not desired nor required.

Stop trying to make Jesus look bad. You make it so hard for me to be nice. I don’t make the rules.

No Cliff notes for this one. It’s really simple. Jesus is Lord. God’s on His thrown. Liberals are going to Hell. Borders are biblical. And Donald Trump is still your President.

It’s old. I admit it. I’m sick of being attacked by people who have zero idea what they’re even saying. We’re called fascist by people who don’t know what a fascist is. We’re called Natzi by people who are actively trying to destroy everything our America was founded upon. We’re called bigots by people who are trying to make women disappear from society altogether. We’re called racist by the same people who divide our Country based on race. We’re called backwards because we refuse to adopt new progressive values. We’re called simple minded because we hold onto our God and our faith.

We openly and loudly celebrate people like Jane Fonda, Alec Baldwin, Sam Elliot, Tim McGraw, Taylor Swift, Tom Hanks, Kevin Costner, Beyoncé, Bad Bunny.. the list of people who have a platform of ANY kind and BENEFIT from running America in the ground, is LONG and DISGUSTING. Mediocrity at its finest tells us that our entire way of life should be erased. These are people who make their living pretending. People WE made wealthy now tell us we are nothing. I’ve had enough.

It’s become my daily struggle. Keeping my Christian values in the forefront but keeping my mouth in the background. I’m sure it’s obvious I fail every day. But I do honestly make the attempt. I try to be the meek, kind, quiet woman people normally associate with a woman of faith. Then I read the news. I see our brothers across the sea being slaughtered. I see six year old little girls being married. I see our veterans sick, hungry, lonely, addicted, traumatized and dying on the streets, when celebrities are literally crying on STAGE about “their brothers in the trenches” … THEN VOTING TO LEAVE THEM THERE IN FAVOR OF ILLEGALS (yes, my father and all of his brothers were veterans and Sam Elliot makes me physically ill). I see murderers being elected to public office. I see foreigners applauded for letting us know up front that they will use their elected position to hurt the United States. I see our police officers, our military, our first responders spit on, attacked & even killed. I see celebrities sitting in their multi, multi million dollar mansions with their enormous bank accounts and their seriously confused children, who are so far removed from our reality that they have never, EVER had to decide between a gallon of milk and a gallon of gas to get through the week.. but they tell us what’s wrong with our way of life and how we should be living. Then suddenly I am no longer the quiet, meek woman trying to say “it’s all going to be OK”. I morph into Jael from the book of Judges and all I need is a tent peg, lol. My daily struggle.

This isn’t a blog post with a nice, neat ending. Unfortunately our world gets worse from here. I may not like what’s happening to my sweet America. But make no mistake.. my heart is rejoicing watching Bible prophecy being fulfilled and Jesus’s very words played out before my eyes. I always thought I’d be long gone before we got here. I thought His coming back would be many, many decades away. Now I see that Jesus is giving me yet another gift. I really believe I’ll see Him come in clouds of glory. How precious to live through this, watching everything I’ve been taught since I was 12 come to fruition and then be caught up with Him.

Part of me wants to cry for the destruction. But the heart of me is singing for His coming.

I’ll keep praying for patience and guidance. I’ll keep all tent pegs far from my reach. And I’ll keep my eyes on the eastern sky. My Jesus is on His way.

I’m still reeling, like most of us. I can’t turn it off. If it’s possible for anything to be worse than the assassination itself, what we’re seeing now is the very worst of the worst of society. Leaders on the left freely fuel the most despicable fire in civilians knowing they won’t be the ones behind bars. They continually use hot words like “white supremacy”, “natzi” , “racist” and “fascist” to incite violence. They wave hate speech like it’s a badge of honor that every good citizen should wear with their blue hair and facial piercings. And it’s working. This stopped being about politics long ago. Every Conservative in the world is now a walking target. Every Christian in the world should be watching and praying.

Tell me you see what I see. In every situation today, every news story or current event where there’s an obvious “good guy” .. someone who’s done the right thing, is doing the right thing or tried to do the right thing his whole life. Someone who’s both the salt of the earth and head and shoulders above the crowd. Let’s use Charlie Kirk. A man who lost his life trying to help people, regardless of who they were. He didn’t care who they were because Jesus Christ didn’t care who they were. That was Charlie Kirk. And then on the other side, there’s always someone who is literally a tick on the butt of mankind. A bloodsucker. A liar. A parasite that serves no purpose other than to suck the life out of life. There are so many examples we could use here.. Rosie O’Donnell, every person on The View, The Clintons, The Obamas. But let’s just use Jimmy Kimmel. He’s trending. Help me understand. Why is it that the “people” gravitate to someone like that? Every single time. Why is that where their sympathy lies? With the bad guy. In this case, he lied to their face to push a false narrative. Not some embellishment.. a big, bold, bald face lie. Yet there are dozens calling for even more violence against Charlie Kirk’s family and shedding tears of grief for poor, mistreated Jimmy Kimmel. Make it make sense.

As the world continues its descent into the darkest pits of Hell, I myself am not scared. I’m baffled most of the time. I mean, there’s so much that is insane, demonic and just plain ugly. The facial piercings alone.. besides looking like a tackle box exploded on their face, give definite cannibalistic and satanic vibes. I have to resist the urge to grab a big magnet and see what happens if you get close to one of them. The “non binary”, the “she/he/they/them/Rover”, the sacrifice of children, the dismembering babies.. the list is long. It’s all twisted. It’s all Satanic. We could dig into the Bible for days and get really complicated about what’s going on. Or we can simplify it because we know what’s happening. Because we read The Book. Because we read the END of The Book. Because we know The Author of The Book.

We can rejoice that we know Jesus Christ and He’s on His way. We can know that Charlie Kirk’s death has ignited a movement, the likes of which we’ve never seen. We can be grateful for his life and that we got to witness it.

*The Great Harvest* doesn’t really need much in the way of cliff notes. When they took him, they called us all. And we answered. Now there really will be a great, great harvest. And Jesus will be glorified.

* Charlie would have it no other way *

Yes. We are actually at war. And yes. We watch it every day. Every single day.

At first, it seemed too ridiculous to be real. The things we’re watching now were once dismissed as insane, inconceivable and even laughable. Men pretending to be women. Kids pretending to be animals. Politicians pretending that men can birth babies from their intestinal tract. Women pretending it’s a right to separate a baby from its mother one limb at a time. Perverse adults, celebrities & influencers pretending it’s normal to be “child attracted”. Society pretending it’s acceptable to watch the violence and not speak up. Our whole world pretending the decay is just progress.

I watch in utter disbelief. It’s like seeing an avalanche happening in slow motion. And there’s no stopping it. There’s no slowing it down. There’s no getting ahead of it. But are we really supposed to? Even as I write, my heart knows these things are written. Our Bible is clear. The confusion we see in our communities. The lost young people seeking any semblance of normalcy. The chaos we see in Washington. The demonic turn our “entertainment industry” has taken. Brother against brother. Lovers of idols. Seekers of self satisfaction. It’s all foretold. Wars and rumors of war.

Even the assassination of strong conservative voices proclaiming the love of Jesus. Make no mistake. This is one more sign that we as Christians must be vigilant. Our biggest battle is on the horizon. Our Jesus is coming. And heaven is coming with Him.

Well done, Charlie Kirk. Well done. I can only imagine your joy as you walked into the arms of our Lord. We can only hope to continue your work and meet you one day. You were truly a soldier for God in this war we watch.

And it just got real.

Cliff notes on this war we watch: * men are not women. period. * children are not animals. period. * there are 2 and only 2 genders. period. * not liking yourself does not mean the world needs to change for you. * like it or not, Jesus followed the rule of law and told His followers to do the same. * just follow your feelings is not only wrong, it’s dangerous. * Jesus is on His way. Charlie was ready. I’m ready. Are you? *

I know I haven’t written as often in the last year. Not because God hasn’t been busy in my life. Just the opposite. He’s moved in such ways that He wanted to make absolutely sure I didn’t mistake His will for coincidence. As I painstakingly restored my new home, one room at a time, God restored me..one break at a time. A broken heart. A broken spirit. A broken trust. A broken plan. A broken road. A broken life. The broken list was long. But God knew the list. He watched me make the list. His tears fell every time I added to the list. Every single time. But He never stopped loving me. And He never gave up.

I lost count of the number of times I wanted to give up on this place. Overwhelmed, exhausted, scared, lost and everything hurt but my eyelashes.. I bawled. Over and over and over. I screamed. I cried. I prayed. I screamed some more. I cried some more. I tried to pray some more. But I looked at myself and hated everything I saw. I couldn’t understand how God didn’t hate me too.

Each day I’d wake up and, with zero excitement or anticipation, I’d choose something to work on. Paint a room. Take apart a closet. Rip up carpet. Move something heavy. Whatever. And as I began, I would immediately see that each thing I tried to work on, had other things that had to be fixed or done first. I would want to finish something as quickly as possible. But every time I would find myself having to backtrack, because in my hurry to shortcut the process, I skipped a step. If I decided to paint a wall, I’d grab brush and paint and get started. Soon I’d be going all over the house looking for the ladder, a hammer to pull out the nails I should have already pulled, the painters tape because I can’t see, let alone paint a straight line and a drop cloth or two.

Every night I’d go to bed feeling totally defeated. Depressed. Inadequate. Not enough. Not smart enough, not strong enough, not rich enough, not important enough, not Christian enough, just not enough. I would make a weak effort to say my prayers, then fall asleep dreading the next day. I did this for months. It seemed like it would never end.

Then gradually, my home began to take shape. Slowly, so did I. Each time I fixed something, I felt a sense of pride. After repairing even the worst of the worst places, I couldn’t see where the weak spots had been. Before too long, the first room was completely finished. And beautiful. Then another room. Then another. I started going to bed not dreading waking up. I started spending more and more time in prayer. Real prayer. Soul cleansing talks with Jesus that made me hunger for more and more and more. The kind of prayer that repaired the worst of the worst mistakes and made me stronger at the broken places. All of my broken places.

So here I am today, a living example of Jesus leaving the 99. He rescued me every single day until He repaired and restored the worst of my worst. How marvelous, the grace that caught my falling soul. And while my home may be finished, I know now more than ever, that I definitely am not. There’s so much self renovation left to be done. And taking God for granted cost me years of joy and peace. If I’ve realized anything, especially recently, it’s that.

There are some things that will forever be part of me. And that’s OK today. Like the nightmares and monsters that have followed me since childhood.. they’re still under my bed and always will be. So I have a very small sleeping window that I work with. Character defects I thought I had long conquered, still come back in full force if I let my guard down. Hanging out with people who are full of the devil will bring out the same in me. 1st Corinthians says bad company corrupts good morals. I found this to be true. Christianity isn’t about having a perfect life. It’s making the best of imperfect people and situations.

When God remakes you, the journey is almost indescribable. Truly. If you think about the nature of life, the best things often come from the hardest processes. The pain of childbirth brings forth the greatest joy we as humans can experience. The crushing of grapes brings forth the sweetest wine. The pressing of olives brings forth the oil we’ve loved for generations. The butterfly dies to itself to become the butterfly. Jesus’ death on the cross brought salvation to the entire world. When it’s darkest, it’s the hardest.. but that’s when you keep going. Trust the process. Trust the plan. Trust Jesus. He’s left the 99. And He’s coming to rescue you.

*He left the 99 for me* cliff notes* Jesus doesn’t care how long your list is, He’ll fix every broken place * it doesn’t matter how many times you give up, Jesus never does * renovating a house is rewarding & hard.. & rarely are 4” nails really needed to put up one shelf * bad company corrupts good morals * paint does eventually wash out of hair * liquid nails takes a little longer * when God restores you, go ahead and cry.. but trust the plan * Jesus just left the 99 and He’s coming for you *

Dear Jesus, it’s just me. Again. Trying to find some peace in yet another storm. Thank you, in advance, for understanding Lord. Everything I say and don’t know how to say. I lay it all down. I’m laying down the same old fears you’ve conquered in my life. I’m laying down the same old pain you’ve healed inside my mind. I’m laying down the vengeance that was never really mine. I bring them all to you. Again.

Dear Jesus, I keep trying to be still and know that you are God. I tell so many people of your goodness, Lord. Your power shakes the very foundations of the world. Your grace is more than sufficient and more than I deserve. Your love is more than I can ever comprehend. You have held my hands and walked me through a living Hell. These things I know to be real. These things I know to be true. So how, sweet Jesus, can I doubt you? Again.

Dear Jesus, even now I feel the calmness that you give me when I pray. Every time. Thank you, Lord. Just kneeling in your presence and I’m home where I belong. I call your name and I’m safely in the palm of your hand. I breathe you in my soul and there’s nothing that can touch me. The hatred in the world is overwhelming. The chaos in the world is so confusing. Society is terrified and crying. I can only run to you. Again.

Dear Jesus, I bring my friends and my family before you now. The ones I know and so, so many I don’t. The ones who love me and so, so many who don’t. My brothers and my sisters who are drowning in rage and regret. My neighbors who are lonely, sick and scared. My sweet Country, she is wounded and battling a war you’ve already won. And life is loud. So loud that I can’t hear anything anymore. And life is fast. So fast I can’t keep up and I keep falling on the floor. Please pick me up, Lord. Again.

Dear Jesus, thank you again. You hold me in your arms and let me cry until I have no tears left. You take my mustard seed of faith and you move my mountains. You take my meager offering of love because it’s all I have and you give me the world. And I’m reminded that there’s nothing .. NOTHING that can come between you and me. I am yours. And my tears stop. My heart sings. And joy comes. Again.

Philippians 4:6-7:“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Yes. That’s what He said. I’m slackin’. And of course, He’s right. He’s Jesus. Hi guys. I’ve missed you. I know it’s been a while since I’ve written.

Since I’m not having to function in crisis mode or in panic mode anymore, everything is beautifully normal. I’m still remodeling, so most of my life and all of my favorite memories are in storage. But now my days are a mixture of quiet calm sprinkled with nana time, sweet giggles and lots and lots of paint.

I was listening to my favorite evangelist yesterday.. a message that I’ve listened to dozens of times. But yesterday it hit differently. And it didn’t feel good. Jesus was telling me loud and clear that I’m slackin’. Ouch. I wish I could say I’m past the character defects that are familiar and so easy to fall into. I wish I could say I don’t have to identify and then repent for taking my faith for granted. Or for minimizing the great things God does for me, even when I ignore Him. When did I stop appreciating His precious daily gifts? When did I begin expecting and stop thanking?

When life was chaotic and unsure, I was chaotic and unsure. And scared. So I stayed in a constant state of prayer. And my words flowed. God spoke. I heard Him. And I wrote. I wanted so much to share the amazing things He was doing for me. I couldn’t wait to tell my friends that I seemed to be on some “answer to prayer list” and it was awesome!

Then one by one, problems found solutions. Crisis mode turned into “oh wow! I made that work!”. And then wouldn’t you know.. somewhere along the line, I decided God takes too long, I can handle this better by myself. Kind of a “thanks for getting me started Lord. I can tell by the amount of time this is taking, you must be overloaded. So we’re good and I’ve got this, ok?” Just like that.. I promptly took back the plan that God had been ever so carefully crafting for me.

When I left God out, immediately my words stopped. My song stopped. My sunshine stopped. My joy stopped. My motivation stopped. The opposite of walking with Jesus is to walk alone in hard, cold, darkness. The message I was listening to yesterday reminded me why my everything stopped. Even though I knew why.. Jesus whispered the truth that I needed to hear. James 1:17 tells us that every good and perfect gift comes from above. NOT of myself. Ever. My very best will always be a train wreck. But my hope is in Jesus. And in Him there is no shadow. In Him there is no uncertainty.

So.. with Jesus foremost in my mind and my paint brush firmly in hand, I am moving forward with my remodel. Once again, I feel the warmth of His arms around me. I hear the sweetness of His voice. I rest in the strength of His love. As Jesus restores the joy of my salvation, my words are flowing with His praises. I can’t wait to share them with you again.

**cliff notes from your slacker** Jesus will give you all the space you think you want * you don’t want it * when life is going great, it’s because I haven’t touched it * I really, really love the “answered prayers” list * Jesus adds to it every single day * when I find myself in the midst of winter, I just have to turn my face back to The Son * my past is a train wreck but now Jesus is my conductor * all math is the devil * so are puzzles * politics are life sucking * sometimes a smile and a hug can save a life * every good and perfect gift comes from God * you can be a million miles from home and you’re still as close as a prayer *

Isaiah 55:10-12 * 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. 12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace.” I can’t love that passage enough.

This post has been writing itself for weeks now. I never plan what I’m going to write. I pray and I listen.. and God speaks. He gives me the subject and tells me to run with it. Hopefully, I say something that touches someone somewhere. And hopefully, I don’t say anything wrong. I’ve realized that every word from our mouth, everything we do every single day, becomes an echo. At some point, it’s coming back around. That should be fun. For me personally, considering the temper God blessed me with and my complete lack of ability to keep my opinions to myself, it’s honestly a little bit of a scary thought.

Just functioning nowadays and keeping up with the lightening speed our world spins, we have dozens and dozens of daily interactions. It’s crazy. Many times I don’t really notice who I’m speaking to. Worse.. I don’t pay much attention to how I respond. And worse again.. if it happens to be a negative situation coming in my direction, I’ll match that negative energy real quick, fast and in a hurry. I’m kind of known for that, sadly.

But stop and think about what God says in Isaiah 55: 10-12. His word will not return empty. His perfect will WILL BE accomplished, no ifs, ands or buts. He has a purpose and it will be completed. Even when my attitude is all full of myself & my own importance; even when I’m whining and complaining that I don’t want to do what’s in front of me to do; even when my own resources are at zero but the task is enormous, God said I will go out in joy and be lead forth in peace. I will believe that with my last breath.

And what does any of this have to do with God echos? Everything. We’re so overwhelmed with life and family and society and politics that we’ve become desensitized to the difference our every day interactions make. Echos. Did I smile at the girl behind the register? Did I make eye contact with the homeless person sitting alone on the sidewalk? Echos. Did I return indifference with bad attitude? Did I spend my time talking about someone behind their back instead of talking to them? Or maybe the worst of all.. did I see a brother in need and harden my heart? You know the ones.. whatever the situation, it’s obviously their own fault. Those people. THOSE PEOPLE. They need to pick themselves up by their bootstraps before they’re worthy of kindness and love. Echos.

We have got to understand that everything we do becomes an echo. Christians need to seriously take that to heart. The person I passed on the street corner, the waitress who was having a really rough day, the person who cut me off in traffic, the bored person on the phone dealing with some account I’m having issues with..every interaction with every person reverberates and becomes an echo. What matters is.. did I make it a God echo? Or did I sound just like every nonchristian? God doesn’t just plan the big major events in our lives. He plans our trips to the gas station too. He sends me out each day to be His word.. I can’t return empty.

* He sends me out in joy. I am led forth in peace.*

God echos * cliff notes * every person has a story * it matters * prayer beats a bad attitude every time * smiles actually are contagious * they echo * never really been a bootstrap girl .. Jesus wore sandals * kindness goes places hateful can’t reach * then it echos * Jesus sends me out in joy * I am led forth in peace *

Let me first start by saying, if you always say and do the right thing, this post may not be for you. Likewise if you’re always confident, no matter the situation. Or if you’ve pretty much made perfect decisions your whole life. If you don’t spend way too much time in your own head, trying to figure out your every fault and how to fix them, some of this post won’t really resonate with you. But sweet friend.. if you’re a square peg.. if you tend to find yourself the only Charlie Brown in a room full of Taylor’s.. this is for you.

With the evolution of technology we are continually bombarded by everything that’s new. Everything that’s improved. Everything that’s better. It can be a product, an idea, a viral marketing trend or a celebrity. There seems to be some perception that what is well known and comfortable to us .. is wrong. What we’ve known and loved our whole lives is all of the sudden tired and outdated. We are constantly pressured to keep up. And we are laughed at if we don’t. Sound familiar? Hello fellow Charlie Brown.

This is where I have a problem. Because the things that I KNOW to be true.. those things are eternal. Things like love, faith, integrity, courage & honor. They don’t change. And Jesus. Jesus pretty much set the bar so high, it can’t be made any better. He doesn’t need to keep up. He doesn’t need to be improved. And Jesus has never needed to change. Neither do His followers. We do need to speak up. We do need to reach out to one another. We do need to tell the other Christians, the other Charlie Browns out there, that we’re here. And that we’re all in this together.

I don’t know if it’s current world events and catastrophes or if it’s watching social media that’s really bringing home the reality we’re facing. Never before have Christians needed to come together more. We’re under attack as a group. We’re under attack as individuals. As we push back against the enemy, we know he doubles down. Let’s hold each other so dearly that we don’t have faith casualties. There are a lot of Charlie Browns out there who are fighting alone. Maybe new to their faith. Maybe coming home from a long, lost journey. They’re part of the body of Christ too and probably more vulnerable. They may just need another square peg to prop them up until they’re a little stronger.

To all of my fellow Christians, square pegs and Charlie Browns, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again.. there are more of us than there are of them. And we win. Want to see something completely spectacular? If every Charlie Brown around the world, reached out to another Charlie Brown around the world, our hands would link .. all the way around the world.

It’s taken me some 60 years to honestly appreciate.. if not fitting in with this world makes me a Charlie Brown.. may I ever be the be Charlie Browniest. Who’s with me?

Jesus loves us Charlie Browns. He has called us by name (Isaiah 43:1).

*Jesus loves the Charlie Browns* cliff notes * new doesn’t necessarily mean improved * square pegs are amazing; we are called to be different * even the hairs on your head are counted..you matter * Jesus doesn’t keep up..He sets the pace * you and Jesus are always a majority * in a world of cheap copycats, be a Charlie Brown * Jesus knows you by name ♥️

Happy New Year everyone! I hope your Christmas was full of all the wonderful things money can’t buy. And may the coming year bring you everything you want and more. The new year brings new hope, new beginnings and new excitement. That familiar “maybe this year…” prayer that springs eternal. So may you keep your resolution, whatever it may be. I’ll cheer you on if you’ll do the same for me.

My “resolution” didn’t just begin but I definitely hope to continue with it throughout the year and beyond. My resolution is a softer, gentler walk with Jesus .. and with myself. Every day, in every situation. I realized, one day, that I beat myself up for not meeting other people’s expectations. Friends. Family. Other Christians. Even though other people don’t walk in my shoes. Other people don’t live in my memories. Other people don’t sit in on my prayers. Other people don’t feel my heart sing when Jesus speaks to me. Other people don’t watch His hand move when He answers my prayers. Other people have no idea how far I’ve come .. how far Jesus has brought me.

Right after seeing myself hang my head over and over for not being enough, I saw just how many times I had tried to “do better”, “be more” or “work harder” at whatever it was I was failing at this time. Failure after failure. I kept seeing other people’s disappointment in me and somehow managed to confuse that with my real worth. And in all of this unhappy, unhealthy, over and over again cycle, what’s missing? That would be Jesus. Never once has Jesus ever told me to live up to what anyone else thinks I should be. NOT ONCE. But every time I hang my head, I take my eyes off of Him and off of His purpose for me. I bet I’m not the only one.

Here’s the thing that really brought home how important my purpose is. A simple blog post, where I pour out my heart about not wanting to wake up again and how close I came to making that happen. That’s not what matters. What matters is the people who understood that hopeless feeling and reached out to me. That’s huge. What matters is my brothers and sisters in Christ who relate. What matters is someone else seeing Jesus reach me where I was. What matters is where I am now.

My resolution for myself and my hope for you is that you’ll walk with Jesus and only with Jesus. Anything else is a downgrade. My resolution for myself and my hope for you is that you’ll see yourself through the eyes of Christ. That’s one beautiful view. My resolution for myself and my hope for you is that you’ll learn to love yourself as much as Jesus loves you. Those arms are open so wide.. they hold endless and unconditional love. My resolution for myself and my hope for you is that you truly know you are amazing, you have a divine purpose, you are and always have been, enough.

*New Roads Less Traveled* a softer, gentler walk with Jesus* cliff notes * happy new year! * may all of your wishes come true this year * look at yourself through the eyes of Jesus.. it’s a beautiful view * if your broken path helps someone else, it becomes a beautiful mosaic & you’re the artist * Jesus cries when we beat ourselves up .. so let’s not * your daily walk with Jesus is what matters.. everything else is just details.* repeat after me: you are now and you have always been enough * go have an amazing year. you deserve it. *