Tag: faith

A Short Story – All Too Familiar

It always starts in the same place. It’s all still as clear as if it were yesterday. I walk in the front door. Couch is on the right. Beer bottles and wedding pictures scattered all over the coffee table. Beer for him. Wine for me. I drank white at the time.. probably Chardonnay. More beer for him. We talked. He was sad. That’s was why I was there. He was sad and said he wanted to talk. More beer. He was angry and hurt. More angry. We played darts. More beer. Hey, did I want to try this alcohol his brother sent him from another state? Sure. Ok. Just a sip or two. I trusted him. It was clear and in a clear glass. It tasted bitter. I remember everything vividly up until that point. Then that drink. Then there’s nothing. Nothing. Just a flash of some green light and a long blank space. Then I’m waking up on my bed and it’s just another day. On the surface, everything looks normal. How deceiving looks can be.

I found out what happened, the hard way. It’s not like there was going to be an easy way. I won’t go into the details. Use your imagination, then take that and tie it up, twist it into the most perverse experience no halfway sane person would ever willingly participate in and welcome to my fog. Like I said.. he was really angry. So humiliating me and my family for the rest of my life, was his solution. Sadly, if you can believe it, the actual event itself wasn’t nearly as damaging as the domino effect it caused. The pain it caused my family. Not me, my family. Like the mushroom after a nuclear explosion. It kept spreading. Is there anything juicier for a small town? Those sweet Christians who, to this very day, will not sit close to me in a group of ladies. They weren’t there. They have no clue. But I might be contagious. Better safe than sin.

It’s been so long now, but I continue to carry it. There’s not ever a day that it doesn’t cross my mind at least once. Sometimes I try to figure out what was in the glass. Sometimes I try to not think about it at all. Sometimes, like recently, no matter how hard I try, it’s forced back into my view. There’s always, always someone .. some loud, obnoxious, humpback, half-man & her gimpy, blubber-faced sidekick, just waiting to take a swing at me, but only behind my back. That’s the thing about cowards, liars & fiddlers of other people’s funds .. as long as it’s in the dark or under a rock, there’s no level they won’t stoop to. No spine. No conscience. Not even a concern that God or Karma or the universe might just circle back around on them.

People like that don’t bother me. They never have. They’re people eaters. I take a good look and figure, it could be worse.. I could be them. But I’ve never had a hump on my back. No one will mistake me for a man, even if I don’t have my makeup on. I don’t have oozing sores, knotted hands or Saint Bernard jowels that flap in the breeze if I shake my head. I have so many friends who want to spend time with me. They don’t groan and dread the day because I’m on my way. Being a people eater comes with its own set of ugly problems. I let God fight those battles for me. He knows what He’s doing. And He always has my back, no matter who’s trying to put a knife in it.

This short story really is all too familiar. Hopefully not the worst part, but the tearing people apart part. That’s common. Too common. We shower, shave & sing the love of God & mankind. Then we dig for dirt like we’re trying to win the last train ticket to heaven. Folks, there’s something bad wrong with that. No. We don’t have the right and it’s not our responsibility, to arbitrarily take it upon ourselves to “out” what we consider someone else’s shortcomings. No matter what it looks like, we just might not know all of the facts. That’s why God is who He is and we’re not Him.

I wish I could say I just quietly turn the other cheek every time this surfaces. Obviously, I don’t. But this is the first time I’ve addressed it. There are a very few things that will honestly snap my last nerve and dragging my family back through this, is at the top of the list. Let me be clear here, just so you know: I do not get hurt, upset or embarrassed anymore. Not even a little bit. Just as I’m called to do, I take it and try to use it to help someone else. If you can’t understand that, then you’re a people eater and you have way bigger problems than me. I wish you luck with that.

I’ll Meet You at The Well

WOW. I started to name this post WOW..Women Of the Well. Then I realized, it’s not just women. We all seek. We are all reaching for the next big thing to fill a void or get ahead or make a new mark or make us feel excited and alive. It’s rare that seeking anything in today’s world will coincide with the will of God. But we still want, we still reach, we still seek to satisfy what we crave. We’re all the woman at the well.

I had this beautiful vision of how my life would go. It was really special. You probably had one too. Hopefully, you got way closer to yours than I did. It’s not like I don’t still have plans for myself. I do. They’ve just changed, somewhat drastically, with the years and the miles. One of the things I plan for myself now, is to forgive me, for everything I wanted to do that didn’t happen. Even more, I plan to forgive me for the things I did that I wish I hadn’t. I don’t know about you, but for me, that’s a much longer list. And I still carry it every day. Now, I plan to take it to the well.

The last many months, I can only describe as intense. Drawn out and intense. Every detail of every situation has either been extremely painful, hard, irritating or just plain unbelievable. It’s been like living in some weird cross between Groundhog Day and The Twilight Zone, with a few pieces of silver thrown in for good measure. Not a whole 30 pieces.. just enough to add shock and interest to my scenario. It’s been a time of every contemplative emotional cliche’ ever coined. Soul-searching. Tried By Fire. Self-examination. Vow to change. You name it. It’s been a time of stripping myself down to my foundation and seeing what’s there. It’s been a time of wishing at the well.

As a woman of faith, I’m called to live a life that sets me apart as a Christian example to others. As a woman at the well, I’m the taker of wrong roads, a maker of bad decisions and an example of what you don’t want to be when you grow up. It seems like it’s been a bad habit to make the wrong roads, my only roads. Or at the very least, the ones I’ve traveled most often. I don’t know. Maybe I thought I was headed in the right direction and things changed. Maybe I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t notice what I was doing to anybody else. Maybe I figured I couldn’t possibly make any difference to anyone. Maybe I was just lost. Maybe that’s why I’m a woman at the well.

Recently, I’ve met so many new people, learned new things, gone new places and made new friends. I’m branching out. I met a woman who, I’m pretty positive, is the devil incarnate. Disease is eating her, from the inside out. Maybe that’s part of her problem. She made me grateful to be me. I met a gentleman who, for a split second, reminded me of my dad. He even joked about his bald head, like dad. And I met the sweetest, most giving woman I’ve ever had the privilege to know. She is beautiful and I will always call her my friend. I met these people on one of my recent roads. I wasn’t lost this time and it wasn’t a wrong road. But it wasn’t the right road for me, so I made a change. One of the best things about my newfound perspective is that, when I find myself on a path that’s not good for me, I know how to turn around. And head for the well.

Things are finally calming down for me. I’m pretty much figuring out each day as it comes. I’m not worried about the past or scared for the future, but I still flounder sometimes. Maybe you do too. Maybe you worry that whatever you do will be wrong, so you guard yourself and don’t let anyone in. Maybe you think your past will come back to haunt you, so you live in fear and dread. Maybe you feel like people won’t accept you, so you don’t reach out and try to make friends. I get that. I see you. I am you. But whether it was last week, last month, last year or last decade, every person in this world has taken more than one wrong road. The difference lies in what you do when you find yourself there. You can always turn yourself around and then help somebody else do the same. I’m going to make big mistakes because I’m human and that’s what I do. Jesus knew that. That’s why He meets me at the well. He knows I’ll be thirsty. He knows I’ll come find Him. He knows I’ll always come home.

I’m just a woman at the well, like you. We are all alike. We are all in this together. We can all still make a difference. If we all come to The Well.

You’re not alone. I’ll meet you there.

Matthew 5:8