Jezebel diaries * Day 1 * Miriam

Good evening dear diary, she said with a nervous laugh. We begin our new adventure today: The Jezebel Journey. Catchy, right? Nothing too deep. Just me, sharing parts of my life to hopefully help someone else not make the same mistakes..or to feel better about themselves if they do. Another story just like every other story out there. Maybe mine will touch someone who needs it. That’s the goal. We are all just imperfect people, finding our way in what has become a scary, ugly, ever changing world. For those of us raised when things were, for lack of a better word, “normal”.. some of us.. like me, are struggling. I really don’t fit now, not that I ever did. I walk around confused by basically everything.

For example? I’m so confused by unbelievable skyrocketing prices, shrinking quantity, nonexistent quality and customer service (or the lack thereof). Does anybody remember customer care? When you could look for something in a store and there was a real person to help you find it? A friendly, interested someone who would make eye contact and assist making your purchase faster and easier. Some of us remember when that was a real thing. It may have even been our first job. Yes. Some of us are so old, we had a job at 16. I remember when you could drive up to the Taco Bell in Shreveport at Kings Hwy and the onramp, decide what you wanted to order without some dull, rude, mumbling voice hurrying you along, then getting your order wrong twice and still overcharging you. I remember when that was unacceptable. It’s everywhere. It’s rampant. How did we get here? Does anybody else see what I see? Does anybody care? Part of my ongoing confusion and not fitting in, is due to not conforming. We Jezebels are bad about that.

Another confusing example? This is a big one which has, what I consider, gone viral. Today I’m hurting for one of my most favorite Jezebels. My precious, precious friend Miriam. Not her real name, of course. I gave her a biblical name whose biblical counterpart has some of the same qualities. My friend is so beautiful and full of life. Her sense of humor brightens the whole day. She has a quiet faith that shines when there’s no sunlight. I look at her and see everything that I’m not. I look at her and see a sweet soul who loves Jesus. I look at her and see a mother with a broken heart. No matter how she tries to repair the relationship with her daughter, she hits a brick wall. Now mind you.. this daughter is in the ministry. Her husband is a preacher. This is a family that’s taken on the responsibility, the commitment and the honor to kneel at the feet of Christ, be a living example of His love and lead others to Him. And I’m confused. So confused. Because I know my friend. I know my Miriam, I know her “past” (trust me here.. I’ve got her beat), and I know how she’s lived for a very long time. I know her daily routine. I know her beliefs. I know how she doted on the daughter who takes such joy in purposefully causing a bleeding wound to her mother. This woman is in the ministry of Christ but somehow cares nothing for His commandments. And I’m so confused. When did serving Jesus start coming with an options package? “Oh, well..ok. I guess I’ll take the enormous church, high paying salary (that could feed so many hungry families) and all of the pomp that comes with such a circumstance. But I won’t be following The Big 10, I won’t be opening myself to God’s will, I will pick and choose exactly what I do, how, when and with whom. And no. I won’t be concerned if the Jesus example I’m showing people is a bad one. Just keep that prestige flowing. I’m too important to be bothered with Christian details”. And my sweet friend can do nothing but cry and pray. Her child pats herself on the back, so proud, every time she hurts her mother. And I’m confused. When did treating parents like something smelly on the bottom of your shoe, become the norm? When did it become a sick game to make a deeper cut with each blow? If that’s what their church teaches, then the progressive “new Christianity” is another place I won’t fit. That’s a hard pass for me. I’m pretty sure Jesus isn’t too pleased either. He went through an awful lot to give us a roadmap that’s really easy to understand, even for someone like my friend Miriam’s daughter. I’ll keep lifting my amazing friend up in prayer. I’ll also try hard to pray good things for the daughter. My friend just doesn’t deserve this. She would lay down her life, for that awful child, in a heartbeat. We Jezebels love one way .. with our entire being.

to hear the locals whisper
you’d think she casts a spell
better be leery
she’ll catch the unwary 
this brazen jezebel 

Jezebel Diary * Day 1 * Cliff Notes: *my goal is to reach someone like me .. the completely flawed in love with life and a perfect God. *I (still) don’t fit in and people confuse me. Thankfully, Jesus does not. *our economy is barely functioning and that thing once called a work ethic, is extinct. *new, improved Christianity apparently has zero to do with Christ. Therefore I will not be participating. *I wish I were more like my beautiful friend. Her love of God is strong, her faith unmoved. She hopes all things and endures all things. *we Jezebels are so easy to understand.. we are completely flawed. We know this. We are in love with a perfect God. He knows this. We believe with all our heart. We love with our everything.